Back then i remembered i'm just some kid having their most enjoyable moment in primary school and then graduate, then a little girl who have no dreams, no motivation, no nothing. Just some normal immature kid that wanted to grow up and have their own house, boyfriend and stuffs. Yea some bitch that thought they're very pretty. After some storms and thunders, turns to someone with dreams, with motivation. Someone with passion, attitude and life. I'm no more lifeless, i'm no more a kid, i'm someone, someone that trying to live her life to the fullest
Yet.
things are still happening. Seems like God is still testing me, sort off still putting me in His test.
Now that i'm mature, now that i can think, things are still happening. it will never stop. but i'm still moving on. i'll just cry and get over it, like some other adult because time never stops and wait for you.
"race with the time" said the jurulatih in the camp i went.
I guess i really miss my childhood so much and suddenly realized how minor the problem is back then when i was still some kid. I regret so much that i didn't enjoy my moment when i was a kid. I shouldn't had acted like an adult when i'm not. Now it's too late.
I just hate it right now.
i just wanted to go back to my childhood and watch hannah montana, and dance like it's nobody business. It's just so fun, and full of energy when i was young. and most importantly is that i'm completely problem-less. The wrong doings i do won't cause many problems.
but now?
doing something wrongly, just a bit. You just get the scoldings. and no one will ever listen to you anymore. Things you said is just too mature for a real adult to listen to you and accept what you said cause all they think is "you're just another kid"
No matter how hard i tried, how hard i prayed, how hard i perfect myself, how hard i think and reflects what i did and try to stay perfect, how hard i satisfied you. it's just seems uselesss. Is it that i'm such a worse human? so i'm just not perfect enough?
All that matters is that you're right and i'm wrong. All that matter is that everything i do must be right to you. but still no matter what i'm still trying that hard.
I don't give a damn anymore, i don't want to care anymore. I just follow everything you said cause i have set myself an aim, a target. and One day. One day i will prove to you that, i'm successful. That me too, is not a kid.
It's just so much different here in the real world. This is not some movie, this is reality and reality sucks
so sometimes i choose not to believe in it
Once, it made me felt like not everything is possible and stuffs but now i know that that's not true. Anything can happen as long as you choose not to believe in reality.
Except for love. lol. love is way more complicated, yes means yes, no means no. so when peoples say "come on, get back to reality, she don't love you" mean she really don't love you. When it comes to love, yesh you have to get back to reality
This is quite a long post. the longest i ever post? haha, if you have read this far. means you either is a stalker, a best friend or just someone that thinks my post is meaningful. hmm.. ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment