what goes around, comes back around

What goes around, comes back around. says Justin Timberlake.

He's right, some feelings are meant to stay forever.

sigh, and it really sucks, it still hurts. Sometimes i felt like i can't hold this any longer, i can't keep it to myself no more. But, i don't want to let people know, i don't want to make them think i'm weak because i'm not. So i rather post it in blog and assume that no one will check it. It is somehow a relieve after spitting it all out in a post, this is the only way so that's the reason why my blog is so freaking emotional. This is like the weak side of me, and it is definitely disgusting. To me at least.

How i wish i could have someone to listen to me sometimes. I have someone but maybe I just don't want them to think I'm weak but this makes me alone i suppose. Like seriously, i never cried infront of a friend before, except that one senior.

Somehow i felt like she knows that i'm not okay, she don't even need to ask me am i okay. Only by eye contact, i know she understands me and i can't help but cry. For the first time in my life, i cried infront of someone, whom is not that close to me. but that definitely felt great. but disgusting as well.

Seriously, i'm not emo-ing. Just "what goes around, comes back around". This feeling will never go away. never, it comes ocassionally when things happen especially and sums it all up to tear me apart. Then after that, i'll be okay again and that feeling comes back again and then i'll be okay again. and this whole shit continue to circle around my life. SIGH. okay i'm cool now. :)) least, for now.

I'm not fragile like that. hell yeah. :)))))))

i did my pmr. i got 7a.
 i tried to prove you guys something
 it all doesn't matter to you guys anyway
 all you guys care is your own business
 you're nothing like the family i had in school 
cause.
No one cares, no one wants to understand even though i want to
 You don't even bother how hard i tried.
 how much i did to prove this something.
 and for once in my life say, "michelle, i'm proud of you."

blank page

staring on a blank page on this essay named "dare to dream"
For the first time in my life, i've no idea on what lies in my future. what's going to happen.
When i was younger, i used to know my dream and i used to believe.
now... i felt like i was just living in fantasy, in my own world, being naive and ridiculously stupid.
Maybe it's time for me to come back to reality. the real world.
and stop day dreaming.

Even if i got a good result for spm, then i got into a good college and universiti. What's next?
Which road i'm going to choose?

Hopefully i have the guts to really write down what i really want to be in the future.
and actually really Dare to dream.
but i don't.. even i do, it's unachievable.
I just know. i'm aint that cute and naive anymore.

reality vs dream

Been knocked down by reality too often lately.
Never gonna dream anymore.
Sigh. Life's cruel.

Should'nt be so naive.

Please be nicer 2012.
Please.
Its just the second month.

fuck this shit.

Sigh..

Temptation from ukulele

I promise myself to study at least one hour per day starting on 2012

it's an aim for me so i could reach my target (asean scholarship)

it's sort of my new year resolution but i guess i failed. :(

sigh, being distracted by entertainment again.

ukulele is now my favourite music instrument (eventhough i haven't buy it yet)

UKULELE HERE I COME.

and a game called tetris.

sigh, can't stop playing it.

i'll pledge allegiance to tetris batttle, that i'll stop playing when i reach rank 23.

When someone tell you that they're sorry, do they really mean it?

or they just said it to made you continue to be friends/ love them?

to make you believe that they will change, and they're really guilty about that?

or is it just plain lies?

i'm really fed up of this.

i don't like to hate people. i don't

i just dislike what they did and still love/like them.

and right now, i dislike what you do.

If you still have heart,

please.

stop it.

i'm really sick of it.

2012

WOOOHOOOOOOOO ! not.

i'm right now in house, playing tetris without any battery, and listening to heart broken songs.

this is the first time ever, i had countdown like this.

oohh. and i kept on looking at a spoiled clock (either earlier fifteen minutes or later)

alright, i guess this shall be a random post.

# FOREVER ALONE huh?

i'm so gonna miss 2011, things that happened, friend i met, camps i went, attitudes i changed.

it's quite a tough year With pmr

and of course With some other heart breaking things that happened

sigh.

it's been two years

Hopefully starting from the next few hours it would be not that tough life for me

er yea, i think so , or perhaps hope so.

Peoples come and go, time will never stop and we must never stop

haaaaihss

bye 2011, so gonna miss you

sigh.

According to the spoiled clock above me,

the time right now is 12.00 am

here i come 1st of january 2012